Comparison & Empathy

Lately I've been thinking a lot about comparison. I've read some Instagram posts recently and noticed a common theme. The format goes like this: "Here's some hard thing I'm going through but I know people have it so much worse." I can see how that can be a natural thought process. We know other people have harder things to deal with. We don't want to seem ungrateful for the blessings we do have. But I'm not really buying this thought process anymore.

It's true. There are awful things going on in the world, but I'm not sure how comparing trials or experiences actually helps. I think it's one thing to be reminded of your blessings and to have a perspective change, but it's another to belittle what you're going through or experiencing because you compare it to others. They are experiencing what they are experiencing. You are experiencing what you are experiencing. The experiences really aren't comparable. 

We are all so different. By resisting comparison, I think we can really grow in empathy. It can be easy to label something someone's going through as hard or easy, silly or important, big or small. But we're viewing it from an outside perspective, our perspective, not theirs. For example, in some situations I feel like I almost get a sort of social anxiety. Like going to a new doctor and things like that. I cried at the DMV once just because the process feels overwhelming to me, not sure why. It's hard for me, whereas that's super easy for other people. They have no problem with things like that. Now one of my strengths socially is speaking and teaching. Doing that in front of a crowd doesn't intimidate me, but for other people it would be really hard. We are different. The challenges we face are different. The easy times we go through are different. 

I'm not trying to downplay the horrible things going on in the world. I'm just saying that I'm not sure we should use those things to brush off what we're going through. "I'm tired and lonely, but at least I have a bed." Well that's nice you have a bed, but does that really help you feel better? Maybe it does. But does that really help you address the issue of being lonely and tired? Let's be grateful just for the sake of being grateful, rather than adding it as a side on to try to make ourselves feel better. 

This isn't as clear as I planned it to be. Hopefully it makes a little sense. Essentially I'm saying we shouldn't dismiss people's feelings and experiences, no matter how small or silly it may seem to us, because it might be big and real for them. We also shouldn't dismiss what we go through because other people have it harder. We can own our experiences. We can own our feelings. We can validate ourselves and the people around us. Instead of focusing on comparison, let us focus on empathy. If we realize we are more blessed than other people in some areas, then let's do something about it instead of just acknowledging it and burying our own issues and feelings deeper.

image by susanna april